A little dog died today....

She wasnt the worlds best dog.... quite the opposite, in fact! She was the little puppy who chomped through my math, economics and accountancy text books believing she had done me a huge favour! She was the little teething critter who completely destroyed countless pairs of footwear simply because she couldnt find her favourite chew-toy.....

She was also the little fluff ball who would crawl up under our blankets at night to grab some body warmth... the beautiful, bright, doe-eyed dog with the perked up ears who would always be the first one to greet you when you went to pet her (even though she would always unfailingly manage to dig her nails into our butt)..... She loved to run...and everytime she was let free she would zip around like a streak of wet lightening....

She was just four and a half years old.... she did not deserve to die... and yet she did...

its the worst thing in the world to have a beloved die in ones arms...and yet it happened....even though I kept imagining that any minute she would jump up as good as ever and launch herself on us in all her flailing, drooling glory...disappointment.... the sense of inadequacy the inability to do anything is absolutely heartwrenching... Its a burden I will have to bear for the rest of my life.... I can only try and console myself by imagining her in an endless open pasture, running and frolicking to her hearts content....

I just hope that there is a passageway connecting the place where dogs go, to the place where humans go.... Because, I dearly hope to someday see my snoopy-baby once again....

Love you, my darling.... rest in peace!!

Random...random...completely random...

There's this saying... "We travel the world seeking what we want..... and return home to find it.."

Im not sure how true that is.... Ive not really travelled the world... considering im a girl with very few means at my disposal... but then, another question is....how many of us are completely sure of what we want in life?? A couple here and there..maybe... But a majority of us are basically floundering through life barely sure of where we want to go...what we want to be.... Sure, its the easiest thing in the world to decide a profession for oneself...but im talking about the bigger picture... Im speaking about our own personal life mission... something we do to establish our own identity... nobody wants to live a life of annonymity, everybody needs to feel the limelight upon themselves at some point or another in their life... But then, in a world crawling with the tangled mass of countless broken dreams... how many actually manage to reach their pinnacle??????

Seems to me that when the saying was first coined, it basically meant that when we travel all over the world searching for our life's purpose and if we dont really find it...we finally come back home and settle for whatever we may find because no one ever wants to admit that they may have not accomplished what they set out to achieve in life... How many of us say that "all we want is... everything!!" Is it really possible to get EVERYTHING in life?????? I say thats utter pish-posh!! The fundamental law of alchemy states that in order to get anything, something of equal value has to be taken away..... Seems to be proven true... Mukesh Ambani may have a 60+ storeyed building for himself.... but he dont got no brother no more..........

Randomness...

I wonder if earthworms have feelings? Or does their life pass simply in eating mud and pooping it back out?? Weird thought... a random memory came to mind... I remembered I had once tortured an earthworm... and it sounds funny... morbid..but undeniably funny! I tied it up in a knot...

But I guess an earthworm's life is pretty uncomplicated... Plenty of muck to eat...farmers are your friends...all you have to do is try your best to stay away from worm eating birds and worm-torturing girls...

I wonder what do earthworms taste of? I like to imagine they taste like watery chicken... my aunt had, in her childhood, eaten an ant...she said it tasted sour... I didnt have the guts to verify that... what if the bloody thing survived my chewing...went down my gullet... and bit the inside of my stomach??? SCARY!

Did you know that in every jar of jam there are at least a 100 crushed ants... stupid sods must have just wanted some sugar to take back to their hills... ended up getting spread on sliced bread....

Was sitting in a cafe with a friend... saw a teeny-weeny spider crawling up our seat.... he squashed it saying that if the spider went up some crevice and spun a web... HOLY CRAP doesnt quite cover it!! Now I wonder if that spider actually had any intention of crawling up someones arse....anyways... I hope its soul rests in peace...

I have a feeling that maybe someday, in the future, the creepy-crawlies may actually come up against us in arms.... I guess, that would be our apocalypse...armageddon...judgement day.... I dont really fancy being tied up in a knot by a giant earthworm.... but until that day, I think I can sleep peacefully...

:)

Bit of a bringing up-to-date...

Im soooo tantalisingly close to getting what I want.... Its just there...just out of my reach... now if only I could stretch a little higher....
Endorphins, I have discovered, are tons better than any happy drug.... I luuurrrve kick boxing!!!
Was pleasantly surprised at receiving cherry brandy as a coming-of-age present... Thats the first bottle Im going to crack open when I get what I want... what a perfect opportunity to get completely drunk!!
Yippie for me!!!!!!
Toodles!

Anne Frank.... A Crash Course on Hope and Courage

I guess I'll start off with what this book is all about.... yea

As the heading says, this is a diary maintained by Anne Frank, a young, Jewish girl who had gone into hiding with her family during the reign of Hitler, towards the end of the Second World War. It was a time when Hitler ordered for all Jews to be removed from Germany and be sent to concentration camps.... a fate worse that death.
With the help of a few German friends, she and her family moved into the unused upper floors of an office building, where they created a home for themselves for almost two and a half years. These German friends were their only connection to the outside world, bringing them rations, clothes, books, news and sometimes even cheer.
Anne was 13 years old. The diary traces her growth from a gawky teenager whose main interests were ping pong, ice cream and boy friends to a mature, sensitive girl who wondered why she was being treated differently just because she was a Jew, who cried when she saw the plight of other Jews from the window of her room and could do nothing to help them and yet wrote fairy tales in her spare time, hoping to be able to publish them one day.
Her writing is not particularly eloquent. And yet it touches something within us. All she has written about are descriptions of the people with her, their daily routine, the little fights and squabbles, and all through her own fight for gaining acceptance as a grownup in a world where time has stood still.
She talks about feeling like a caged bird whose wings have been cut, beating against the bars to get free. She feels a sense of impending doom, when she says that she feels as if she is standing on a little piece of heaven surrounded by dense, black clouds. And yet through it all she remains cheerful, challenging her fate simply with a smile, believing in the inherent goodness of man.

The diary ends on an abrupt note. Simply because a few days after her last entry, she and her family was betrayed by someone who worked in the office and were captured by the German police. But what actually hit this reader was that, the last entry ended in such a way as if she was going to continue… only she never got a chance to. However, a more poignant ending would not have been possible. The diary is complete in itself. Read it and you will know what I mean...
The epilogue tells us what happened a few days later and we are actually transported to that time…imagining ourselves along with them, cowering behind their secret door as the police pounded on it..clutching a few belongings to themselves… feeling their fear, their hopelessness, their despair….
Anne Frank was taken to a concentration camp Auschwitz, the worst of all the concentration camps... also known as the "Death Camp", where she succumbed to typhus within a few months…

She was not yet 16...

Something to think about.....

Im sure almost everyone knows the story of "The Little Match-Girl" by Hans Anderson... The little ragged, slipperless girl who is trying to sell some matches on a bitter cold christmas eve night... in a feeble effort at getting some warmth starts lighting the matches and with each flare she sees one heartwarming vision after another... the last one being that of her grandmother who takes the little girl with her to a warmer, happier place... the next day, people pass by the silent, still body of a little girl... spent matches all around her and a small smile playing about her blue lips.............

I saw a little boy today outside a mithai shop at around 8:30 at night...no older than 6 or 7 years... he was selling balloons and other small toys and trinkets...
I imagined myself in his place... holding small delights in his hand...but he knows they are not for him... he has to sell them and get money to supplement the family income.....
But why is'nt anyone buying anything?? He knows if he had the money he would buy everything...from the colourful balloons to the racing cars and spinning tops....

I wondered what he must feel when he sees small children pleading with their parents to buy his wares..and then them giving in to the whims of their children... does he wonder why his parents dont buy toys for him?

I wondered what he must feel when no one wanted to buy from him?

I wondered what he must feel when at the end of the day all he has earned is a few measly rupees...not even enough for one square meal... and i wondered how he would be able to walk all over the city on an almost empty stomach....

I wondered if he ever thought about the future...or for that matter, anything, beyond when and where he would get some money next....

I wondered if he ever had to or would have to sacrifice his innocence and childhood because all else failed...

I wondered why we turn away from such innocents? How much would it affect our daily lives if we all spared a few rupees, just so children like him get at least one square meal a day?

I wondered if after ranting so much the next time some such kid comes up to me would I turn him or her away empty handed...??


And I wondered if I would see the little balloon seller ever again............

A Thought...

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love" - Stendhal

Hmmm... spent some time thinking on this one...
I mean, at first I felt that love happens first and that this love then engenders the hope in a person... but then from where does the love sprout out in the first place??

Chemistry is chemistry...not love....

I guess love lies in the smallest, most insignificant acts...but acts of kindness nonetheless... words which almost go unheard... the comfortable silences which are better than the most eloquent speech.... and finally HOPE... hope that those acts have been done for our benefit...those words have been whispered in our direction and the hope that the other person finds the same comfort in the silence that we do...

Nobody wants to be lonely... hope is what assures us that we will not fall prey to this loneliness...
So basically this means that hope is what gives birth to love, and not the other way around...

Well...my ramblings have made sense to me... dunno about you...

Tune, kaahe ko duniya banaayi.....?

Duniya banane wale, kya tere mann mein samayi, tune, kaahe ko duniya banayi.....??

Ok, so i dont know who the lyricist was...but damn, that man hit the nail right on the head!

Well,I dont mean to be disrespectful to any deity, but really, i always get this picture in my head where i see all the Gods crowded up around this small gap in the clouds, jostling for space, to get a peep down on earth and the lives that we live...and in that picture i suddenly see the Gods start roaring with laughter, pointing downwards saying, "Oh my God (pun intended!!), just look at the shit that bloke got himself into..HARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAR..... and he now expects us to get him out of it...... double HARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAR!!!!!"

So... whoopie-d-loopie.... this means that we werent created for any specific reason...just mere entertainment....

Wow, that sucks, doesnt it?? :)

When did God come with a Price tag attached????

Had recently gone to Tuljapur...dats near Solapur...for Devi ka darshan....
Man, that was a sad n disappointing trip.... one could call it a fiasco of sorts...
When i think of God...n temples...i associate it with feelings like...devotion... calmness n peace amidst the throngs....because even the crowds add to the almost hypnotic quality of the atmosphere..... But what i saw n felt in that temple..... scared the shit outta me!!! The mindset of the people gathered there was akin to that of people waiting to cram into the last local for the day... angry looks....elbow shoves...barely audible profanity....
Oh...n how can i forget... the fat, obnoxious security guard who wouldnt allow you to go ahead unless you made a settlement with him.... he had this lathi in his hand... swing it with considerable force n he could have skinned someone.... even worse was the fact that he was sitting right inside the main temple .... the main temple!!!!! In full view of God.... How dead was his conscience????????
Corruption...they say that the best way to stop it is if the common people take up a stand..... take up a stand...and what???? get yourself turned black n blue?? Hell, we'd accept corruption anyday!!
But not in a TEMPLE!!! NO!!! NEVER!!!!!!!
And so we waited...... in the ever increasing crush of humanity...... with one claustrophobic aunt on the verge of hysteria.... and still... darshan tar ghyaychach hota na....
The crowd was increasing...the guard began to caress his lathi and make threatening noises..... and so we decided to beat a hasty retreat.....
All we ever got to see was the decoration inside??? And who cares about that!!!!
Slowly we slunk out...tail between our legs....
And in the courtyard.... four fresh goats waiting to be slaughtered!!!
That was it...end of trip!!!
.
.
.
All i can say of the trip was............................. the scenery on the way to and from Solapur back home was good....
WHEN DID GOD COME WITH A PRICE TAG ATTACHED??????

Why?

Why do some things happen??
Are they meant to happen....decided in advance....or do they just occur.... weaving themselves through the fabric of our life...like fine gossamer....becoming one with every weft and woof that is already there...
Is there any way we can know what colours are being chosen for us...or do we just keep going on until the whole design is ready before we realise if the colours are to our liking or not?
And once the design is ready... is there any way we can go back undo what we dont like...what we wish we didnt have...and put something else in its place instead...?
Is it possible to do that without actually ripping apart everything else that was good about our life???
Is it possible to go back and pick out the people we wish we had never met... things we wish never happened??Or is it necessary that along with the good we also must get a taste of the bad??With the kind..the unkind...with the patient..the impatient....with the mature..the immature...and with the humble..the egotistical jerks???
I guess...we need to have all these quirks...i mean, how else would life be any interesting?
And hey...what can I say...my life is damn interesting!!