Dear God/ Creator/ Higher Power/ watchyumaycallit....

This is your humble blogger... I know we dont talk a lot... you may even be surprised to hear from me today...
I just wanted to thank you... for everything I am and everything I have...
I realise that I complain......... A LOT! But in my saner moments, I do realise that while it is occasionally hard, my life is way better than a majority of the teeming populace....

• I have a loving family... a stable home... a safe haven to go hide when I feel I cant deal with the world
• I am healthy... I have all my limbs... my brain is in the right place
• I have the means of earning a livelihood... a good one.. :)
• I have experienced unconditional love... I have had the chance to give unconditional love...
• I have gotten the joy of reading a good book and finding solace within its pages...

I began making this list a few days ago... as a self help cure to chase away my blues... And I realised that I had a very large list of things to be thankful about (above list being non-exhaustive)....

And that made me realise that for a fairly observant person... I can be pretty dense...

When I talk about little toy sellers...or Anne Frank... and see live examples everyday.... I realise I can be a pesky whiner at times.... And I want to apologise for that, God...

So, thank you for everything!

Cheers!!!

Bringing up to date....

I am almost a half- month into my new life... Its going pretty good...
Of course, it sucks not having hot breakfast prepared by my mum ready for me when I wake up... Fending for myself is a whole new experience and honestly, its not so bad...
Im enjoying coming to work every morning... getting up early, foraging for breakfast, catching the bus.... its all an adventure!
I never thought I was going to find a line of work where I felt comfortable with myself.... and at the risk of jinxing it I can seriously say that I have a strong feeling that this job will bring me the niche that I am looking for in my life....
I have my dreams... I want to see them take wings..... and Im scared.... terrified even...
I sometimes lie awake at night wondering what my future will hold...searching for the answer in the darkness of my room...
I want to learn... I want to grow... and in my naivete- I wish I could one day possess everything my heart desires....
I yearn for this wish to come true.... I am being guided along a path... but the end is nowhere near in sight and the road covered in mist.... I just have to keep moving forward- with complete faith in myself- and hope that when I finally reach the end of that road I should be able to leave it with a contented smile on my face.....

My cup runneth over................

For the first time in my life I feel as if its raining soup and I have been handed a bowl and spoon!

...... I was recently awarded a gold medal for scholastic excellence!! A rarity for me given my unparalled love for lazing around...
...... the parents are in a state of bragging-to-any-random-stranger-about-their-awesome-daughter- happy .... which is a first!
...... I am finally being considered competent enough to enter the big, bad world of adults... I have a job...a place of my own... and a ton of responsibility... Im ABSOLUTELY loving it!!
...... I get my own Blackberry!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO.... :D

This happiness, however, has been slightly tempered by a rejection on the personal front.... but Im pretending to be practical about it all.... these are my arguments...

...... Too much happiness is never good for anybody's sanity... there has got to be a little yin to my yang.... although I would'nt mind going a little nuts....

...... I'm older... I'm stronger... I can weather out any storm....

...... I have faced rejection numerous times before and I'm still here, aren't I?

I am strong... and I will survive... I have a lot of positive on my side to counter the negative...

I just really wish I would be able to sleep happier.... the dark brings about an onslaught of morose reflections... I realise that....

..... I am a hopeless romantic stuck inside the body of a fat, spectacled nerd....

..... The fat, ugly girl never gets picked to be cheerleader....

..... The outer shell is all that matters.... you could be the source of all sunshine on the inside and no one would care....

So I'm being the good, little nerd that I am and

..... squashing out the romantic in me

..... getting into my books, my work, my blog and the TV and not getting out

..... basking in the glory of my gold medal....

and I realise.... it's not half bad....

Even though I may be well on my way to being a ostrich with my head stuck in the ground.... for the time being it makes everything seem alright... I can carry a shovel to dig myself out of my rut....... sometime in the future....

I dream a dream of time gone by.....

I know its no use living in the past... the past is dead and gone... 

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust....

And how I wish I knew of a way to go back... to a simpler time...a happier time...

When responsibilities did not mean sleepless nights... rushing against the clock.... antacids....

Where dreams were not crushed...they soared freely.... A time with unlimited possibilities.... 

Where did that time get lost???

Friendships are now measured by their diminishing marginal utility... they come with an expiry date...

Cynicism is so rampant... innocence is totally lost...

A friend said recently that growing up is overrated....

When will we realise that...???

Innocence Lost

A wee little girl,
No older than eight,
Arranged her dolls in her doll house to play;
Daddy’s at work and mommy’s in the market
House to herself
No one there to interrupt
A push on the doorbell,
“Who is it”, she says
“It’s your favorite cousin”, the voice on the other end claims.
Another playmate and so she joyfully bounds,
The door swings open with hardly a sound.
Little girls didn’t yet know of wolves in sheepskins,
Alas, her mother had never factored this incident in.
The dolls watched in horror,
As innocence was lost;
And another star in the sky crumbled to fine dust...

View from behind the glass...

I'm on the outside... looking in...

At a glass dome of activity to which I am a mere spectator

You might say I am free... and that they are trapped... like monkeys in a zoo...

Enslaved in their coccoons of laughter, chatter and companionship...

 You tell me to turn around...look behind me... the entire universe stretching out for me to explore and conquer...

And yet what wouldn't I give to be a part of the buzz......

Forests never sleep...

You are watched... as you bumble around... making your way through the foliage...

The trees have eyes.

Every whisper of your breath... every little crunch of leaves beneath your feet is heard...

The winds have ears.

Branches reach out to scrape their fingers across your arms... its unavoidable.

Try as hard as you like... you cannot hide

From the glowing eyes in the grasses...

Ever wondered how its the tiny events that make all the difference.... an unexpected compliment is better than a prize distribution... a tiny flower tucked behind your ear accompanied by a light brush of finger tips is so much more touching than any bouquet....

Im rather sentimental today aren't I?

After countless days of invisibility, I was acknowledged today in the sweetest of ways...

You know you exist, its apparent everytime you wake up... you go through the day, doing what has to be done... and yet feeling like a wall flower... just out of the world's focus...waiting for it to sharpen...

When it does happen, life doesn't feel so pointless anymore....

Its a dogs life!

I think my schedule is finally getting to me.... I spent 10 minutes this afternoon trying to convince a stray dog on campus that he leads a charmed life!

Seriously! I mean, sleep wherever you want, whenever you want... endless scraps to snarf down from adoring coeds... someone always around to give your ears a good scratch... the world is your toilet... what more do you want???

If anyone would have told me three years ago that I would be surviving on 3-4 hours of sleep daily...if I was lucky.... I would probably have deemed them delusional...

And yet, here I am... scrimping and scrounging around for some shut-eye....

Oh God! The holidays can't get here fast enough!!!

The end of a mini chapter....

Another year from now and I, too, will be entering the Big, Bad World of Adults!!!!

It was something altogether different to watch all the seniors getting emotional... guys crying....brrr... ya, you guessed right...im not one of those emotional atyachaar kind of people... but one never knows... a year from now would probably have me sobbing my heart out into my hanky... :' ( 

I guess its always hard to let go...

not one of my best writings...but it deserved a mention....

Ta y'all