When Life blows you a raspberry...

I guess, I can blame this on Quarter- life Crisis...
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Mediocrity: Running away from it all my life...
Have I reached somewhere??
Or am I just stuck on a hamster's wheel???
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I had written some time back about finding/ being something that will make me happy/ at peace with life...
Well, my life has changed... it most definitely has...
Of all the doubts.. worries.. frustrations that plagued me for the last many, many months...
I WAS able to put a few to rest...
But you know what they say about being careful what you wish for??
You just may get it...

Blocks....

Struggling to fit in...
A round peg in a triangular hole...
Wedged in... still, empty around the edges...

I suppose its sort of expected that at 1 AM I think of writing Haiku....

A candle flickers
The beat of wings
In a shallow grave
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A foggy morning
The soft clip- clop
Of mysterious hooves
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Slim heels and gilded air
Scuffy shoes wiped against trousers
Comets bumping into planets
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Elongated claws, shining fangs
Demanding a stomach- rub
Sheep in wolf-skin
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And Ms. Brain clocks out for the night..............

What am I doing here??

It's been 4 months since I last blogged... It's a bit of a downer to realise that I'm not missed...
I know my writing is not particularly enlightening... or thought provoking... or inspiring... and at times there is is visible struggle to remain humourous... but it is a part of me...
I'm sitting with my laptop... typing words out... and then deleting them...
Doubts are abounding... Why am I doing this?? If it's just for me, then do I even want to be here... wouldn't some pen and paper suffice??
Im particularly proud of every piece I write.. and that makes me scared to send it out into the world... knowing that it would hurt me immensely if it were to be rejected....
And yet I do.... inspite of my fear... the need to be recognised.. acknowledged is much stronger...
And still I wonder... and still the doubts linger...

Soul-searching......

I spent the whole of today working on some letters... some other minor documentation.... and fielding a few hundred phone calls...
And at the end of it all I just had one question for myself.... Is this what my life is going to be all about???
I mean, am I just destined to be an insignificant-cog-in-a-tiny-wheel-in-the-grand-machinery-of-Life??
I know, I know... without that one cog the whole machine could fall apart... blah.. blah.. blah..
But I dont want to be the insignificant-cog-in-a-tiny-wheel-in-the-grand-machinery-of-Life....
I want to be more...so much more...
I want to be that Giant Wheel that everyone can see and whose absense would be immediately missed...
But its days like today which make me doubt the possibility of that ever happening...
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In the Sidney Sheldon novel, The Other Side of Midnight, the lead female character has this line... she wants to be Catherine Alexander The Great..... But the great what??? And at the end of it all, she is betrayed and almost killed by her husband and ends up an amnesiac recovering in some God forsaken convent....
Now is that depressing or what??!!!
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I just have to figure this out: What do I need to do... or be... or have... to be Happy/Content/ At Peace...???
Some soul-searching is in order...

Mathemagic!!!!

This is soooo cool....
I am the proud possessor of an awesome magic trick....
And I am kind enough to demonstrate.....
Bow before me, lowly mortals!!!
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Alrighty then...
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Think of a number between 1 and 10
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Now multiply it by 5
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Then divide it by 2
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Now close your eyes....
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Dark, isn't it?
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HARHARHARHARHEEHEEHEEHOHOHOHO....
Yeah.... Im that easily pleased...

RTT: Squeakity squeakity squeak.....

Its Tuesday, and you know what that means....!! Random ramblings galore!!!!!
And for more Randomania (yes, its a word!)... go check out Keely at the Un-mom...
Cheers!
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My shoes squeak! They are like the rogue shopping carts in malls... apparently the only available ones by the time I arrive...
Sqeakity- squeak... squeakity-squeak....
And changing the speed of my stride doesn't help either... just alters the tempo a bit...
Squeeeakity...squueeeaakk...
Gah! its annoying!!!
Now I will never be able to realise my dream of becoming a ninja assasin... boo hoo...sob...
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I've not gone out in sooo long...
I think Im going to need a refresher course in Having-a-life...
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Im really missing my parents...
Im really missing my dogs...
Its hard living away from home...
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I have finally decided on my tattoo...
Now to make the appointment...
Yes mum, its happening.. :)
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Whoop whoop!!!! (I had to let that out...)

Invisible......

You look at me.... I drop my eyes....
I skirt around your perimeter...
You talk to me... I shy away....
My heart all a-flutter...
The days go by... you walk by me...
Sparing not a glance....
I look at you... you look through me...
Me.. the eternal wall flower...

RTT: The One Where.....

Ok... Its that special time of the week again... no, thats the special time of the month...

This special time is when we get to collect all the spare bits of fluff floating round in our heads and spew them out in all their random glory!!!!

So get randomising people!!!!!!!!

And dont forget to go visit Keely for more fluffy wonders...

Alrighty then!!!

First of all...

Happy Birthday to meeee.....

Happy Birthday to meeeee......

Happy birthday to meee-eee....

Haaaaappppy birthday toooo meeeeeeee....

Phew... that's been going round my head...all morning... in the voice of a shrill opera singer

Well, its out now...

Its finally stopped raining..... awwww, Mother Nature...did you do that just for me???

Im bored...

Im not hungry though (for once!).... had a lovely extended lunch with the office bunch... oohh that rhymed!!

I have gotten the crucial parental approval to get what Ive always wanted.... A TATTOO!!!

Hmmm...what to get???

1. Its has to have something to do with dogs

2. It has to be as far away from all cliches as possible

3. It has to portray my randomness.....

Its a pretty short list... but daunting!

So Im going to ponder some more....

Anybody want to make my life simpler and make suggestions?? I will remain eternally indebted to you.... I might even eat a cupcake on your behalf!!

Cheers!!

Happy birthday tooo meeee.............. Damn! Its not gone.....

RTT: The Thumb- Twiddler Edition

So, the entirety of today has been spent at different locations accompanied by mindless thumb- twiddling.....
It has eaten away at the few remaining brain cells I have left and all that remains is a pitiful amount of randomness.....
So if you are hungry for more... Go visit Keely at The Un-Mom... she rocks!
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Can you feel hungry and full at the same time??? I do and am currently experiencing this dilemma.... to eat or not to eat....
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I just learnt today that my laptop webcam is a potential spycam for hackers... ergo, I have spent the majority of my non- thumb-twiddling time devising different webcam masking techniques... I need to be effective and discrete... So far, all I have managed to do is tear off the sticky portion of a Post- it note and stick it over the cam lens.... maybe I should colour it in..... hmmm... Am I bored and desperate enough to go that far....???
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I saw the latest Harry Potter movie... I still maintain that the books are better.... and No, Daniel Radcliffe is NOT hot...!

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Im getting a suddden craving for Pringles... mmm....
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And thats it... my thoughts have petered out...
So long everyone... Cheers!